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At the Crossroads of a
Tickled Soul
by Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D. |
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Have you ever felt tired, worn out, or a little too old
for your years…whatever your age? If so, it might have
nothing to do with the number of candles on your
birthday cake. Instead, it could be that you’ve just
gotten a bit too settled, making your life feel a bit
stale.
In physics the principle of entropy explains the
natural tendency of all living things to either grow or
break down. It demonstrates that there is no such thing
as the status quo or staying at the same level. If you
develop a muscle, it grows stronger. If you don’t use
it, it doesn’t stay the same…it atrophies. If you use
your brain for new experiences, you will grow new
pathways called dendrites. If you don’t, your brainpower
does not stay the same…it will diminish. "Use it or lose
it" is more than an idle expression.
Relationships that we pay attention to expand; those
that we neglect do not stay the same…they fade. Perhaps
you have had a friendship that was once strong but now
is gone. No blow-up; no decision to part, just a bad
case of status quo.
At various times in life, we come to a fork in the
road and have to choose which path we’ll take next. One
is familiar, safe, and nicely paved. The other is a bit
trickier. It glows with adventure, treasures, or perhaps
the potential to learn and grow. But this second path is
also unfamiliar, frightening, and rather bumpy. The road
to the first path leads to contraction; the second path
leads to expansion. Either you stay in your comfort zone
and let life pass you by, or you take the risks
necessary to move forward in the direction of your
dreams. The choice is yours alone. So, although too much
change can be stressful, too little change will
literally bore you to death! To feel young and alive and
in synch with your soul’s desires, try seeing your next
crossroads not as a dilemma or misfortune, but as an
opportunity to re-examine the direction you want to take
next in your life.
A crossroads may appear due to a normal life stage
(midlife awakening?), an unexpected opportunity (great
job offer abroad?), or an unwelcomed wake-up call
(health crisis, divorce, or loss?). So the path that
leads to a fork in the road may be quite different for
each of us. But the road to change is likely to be quite
the same. Like most people, you’ll probably travel a few
well-worn paths of denial, awareness, exploration,
and doubt before reaching your desired
destination.
Denial
Travelers on the path of denial entertain thoughts
such as "This couldn't be happening to me," or "Things
are not really that bad." It's easier to ignore signs
that it's time for a change (the queasiness in the pit
of your stomach, the disquieting notions in your head,
the restless sleep, and the joyless days) than to face
the discomfort of change. It seems better to live with
known negatives than to risk possible new negatives
that might be even worse. The danger side of change's
double-edged sword shines the brightest. Fear of the
unknown is so powerful at this stage that even strong,
soulful desires can be suppressed and intuition totally
ignored. It's as if we are in shock—unable to see, hear,
or feel what's going on around us. On this path, we
pretend and profess a lot, trying to convince ourselves
of what we suspect may not be true. Denial prevents any
adaptive action because we hold on for dear life to
ideas like "everything is fine…really…or at least as
good as it can
be."
A few years ago, I worked with a group of chemical
workers who were preparing for a major conversion of all
processes in their plant. In the group there were a few
eager beavers who went willingly into the land of
high-tech, many who went skeptically, and a few who dug
their heels into the sands of resistance. As you might
imagine, those stuck in denial were left behind, still
mumbling their mantra of "No way—not in my lifetime"
while others who learned new skills and prepared for the
changes marched forward to success in the new
computerized environment.
While the path of denial can provide a safe haven
from too much change, it can also make you vulnerable if
you stay on the path too long. Imagine that you are
walking down some old railroad tracks, with a high-speed
locomotive coming your way. You have two choices. You
can stay right where you are and deny that the light in
the distance is an oncoming freight train (and
eventually get run over), or see the light for what it
is, get off the tracks, and take another path.
Awareness
When you are ready to diverge from the path of
denial, you'll probably pull off for a reality check.
Here you may weigh in and come to grips with the truth
about what is working in your life and what is not.
There will be no more pretending that you are totally
satisfied with the status quo regarding your work, your
marriage, or your personal development. You'll weigh in,
fess up to what you're feeling, and then decide what
cargo to unload and what new equipment to pick up. As
this new awareness blasts holes in the façade of denial,
more light will seep in, and other truths will be
illuminated. Needs not formerly met will become visible,
beliefs not acted upon will come into focus, and the
choices you have made will be apparent. With your
passion and desires awakened, you will know what you
want and you'll forge ahead to the next connecting
path…that of exploration.
Exploration
On the explorer's path you may feel as though you are
going around in circles. Although you've committed to
moving forward, you won't be sure of the quickest route.
You may find that one direction seems right at first,
but later deposits you right back where you started.
While frustrating, these false starts should be
expected. After all, this is new territory. Just shore
up your courage and check your internal compass by
asking, "Is this direction taking me closer to where I
want to be?" If it is, keep going. If not, just say
"oops," and choose another route. Soon you will be at
your destination, with one more divergence possible
along the way…on the path of doubt.
Doubt
The bushes along the path of doubt are of a prickly
variety. They may snag you from time to time and even
scratch at your new determination. This is where you'll
see the cost of change and wonder if it's worth it.
You'll be tempted to turn back to more familiar,
comfortable ground and avoid letting go of that last
tether. You know you're close to the right path now; you
can even sense its foreign nature. The prospect is
exciting, but you are leery of adjustments you will have
to make. The customs will be different, the mindsets a
bit askew. You're not so sure you'll be able to cope in
such a strange place. But then you see just up ahead,
the prickly path gives way to a spacious, paved, and
well-lit road. It's marked with a large, clear sign.
"This way," it reads, "to a life that tickles your
soul." Doubt fades into determination.
Traveler's Aid
Many things will help you to continue your progress
journey. Remind yourself of your desires by posting them
in view and reading them several times a day. Buoy your
spirits with life-affirming habits such as yoga,
meditation, and self-reflection. Schedule regular
periods of renewal and commit to taking some action
toward your goals every day. Give and love and enjoy
life's simple pleasures.
As you proceed on your journey, you will likely
benefit from support along the way. Think of people who
will boost your spirits when they lag and provide
direction when you need it. Identify those who have gone
before you and ask them to share the lessons they have
learned. Find someone who will simply listen and send
your own thoughts echoing back. Find others who will ask
you questions that no one else would ask…questions of
survival intended to save you from yourself. Read
inspiring material and enroll in skill enhancing
workshops.
Before you begin your chosen course, pack the gear
that will see you through such an exciting journey.
You'll need provisions that fuel and things that soothe
when you occasionally scrape an ankle. A mirror to see
objectively and earplugs so you will be able to hear
your wisdom from within. Carry nuggets of past successes
to remind you of the many hills you've climbed, and
don't forget to bring along a compass made of your own
purpose and design. One more thing that you should bring
is a flag to plant at each new summit. There you'll rest
and watch it wave, and feel content with how far you've
come.
© Copyright 2004 Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D. All rights
reserved.
Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D.,
is a life-balance expert, author, and national lecturer.
Through her writing, coaching, and seminars, she helps
individuals and work teams reach their full potential.
With a personal mission to nurture growth, she supports
practices that lead to energy, empowerment, and the
realization of meaningful goals.
Suzanne’s books include Teams At Work: 7 Keys To Success
(Tower Hill Press, 1997), The Participative Leader
(McGraw Hill, 1995), Create A Life That Tickles Your
Soul (Tower Hill Press, 1999) available in paperback as
well as hardcover, and her newest, Recharge In Minutes
(Tower Hill Press, 2003). All are available online and
from major retailers.
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