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What is Flow?
by Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom |
Awakening one morning in his sunny Austin
bedroom, Caylor Wadlington heard himself saying out
loud, "So I’m moving to Denver?" The words
were part exclamation, part question, and they woke him
up completely. As surprised as he was, he also
experienced a happy, pleasurable feeling. But by the
next day, he had dismissed the whole thing as just an
odd dream. After all, he was cozily ensconced in Austin,
where he had lived eight years, and he knew hardly a
soul in Denver.
Then, out of the blue came a phone call from an
officer of his national professional association, who
invited Caylor to participate in a week-long work
meeting — in Denver. Hmmm. . . .maybe there is
something to this, Caylor thought, and without
further hesitation he said yes.
In Denver, after the meeting ended, Caylor was
chatting with another participant, a man who ran a
school in the city. "Caylor, if you ever want to
live here, I’d like to hire you to teach for me,"
he said. Caylor thanked him calmly, but inside he was
stunned: This is amazing! Walls are coming down to
open the way for me to move here!
To leave Austin, however, would require selling a
professional business that was so specialized he figured
it would take at least a year to find a buyer. Quietly
beginning to look around, Caylor invited a friend to
Sunday brunch and, over coffee and pastries, laid out
the prospect. His friend was not interested, but just as
he said no, a colleague of theirs walked in. Caylor had
not thought of him as a buyer, but struck by the timing,
he told him his business was for sale. The colleague was
more than interested — he was thrilled. "Don’t
tell another soul!" he said excitedly. "I
definitely want it." This seems to be happening
all by itself, mused Caylor. Then he received a
letter from his landlord: Caylor’s condominium was
going to be put on the market. A dream, an opportunity,
an offer, the boot—the message was unmistakable.
Caylor willingly closed down his life in charming
Austin, and moved to Denver.
Caylor wears no wings, sees no auras. But to him,
life works in magical and surprising ways when he’s
connected to a deeper force in the Universe—and he
knows he’s connected because he feels it physically,
as a soft, warm feeling inside that links him to a sweet
expansiveness. When he’s in that state, he experiences
meaningful coincidence after meaningful coincidence.
"They add magic to my life, and tell me that the
action I’m taking is safe and true and right," he
says. And they point the way to new opportunities:
"Although I loved Austin, I was starting to feel
bored and a little stuck professionally and
personally," he says now. "I thought that
Denver might open the way in my life to some important
changes."
Caylor lives in flow — and through it he has come
into a fuller, truer existence. Flow is the natural,
effortless unfolding of our lives in a way that moves us
toward wholeness and harmony. When we are in flow,
occurrences line up, events fall into place, and
obstacles melt away. Rather than life being a
meaningless struggle, it is permeated with a deep sense
of purposefulness and order. Flow has tremendous power
to transform our lives, for it is dynamic and moves us
unerringly toward joy and aliveness.
Most of us have had experiences of being in flow. In
those times, we know we’re in the right place at the
right time doing the right thing. We feel both
exhilarated and at peace, somehow connected to something
larger and greater than ourselves. Life is rich with
meaning, magic and purpose. We feel vital, alive,
joyful. But for most of us, it doesn’t happen often
enough or for long enough. We feel glimmerings of flow,
and then they fade away.
This doesn’t have to be the case: people like
Caylor have learned to make flow their way of life, the
rule rather than the exception. The way they do it is
through synchronicity -- those meaningful coincidences
in which outside events, seemingly disconnected in time
and space, link up with our internal states and connect
us with the greater whole.
When synchronicity happens, people like Caylor follow
the direction it seems to indicate — and then they
watch synchronicity happen more and more. They know they
are deeply in flow when synchronicity is sparking all
around them. By using synchronicity for guidance,
confirmation, and validation, their lives become a dance
of energy with the Universe, a give-and-take with their
environment that fills their days with insight and zest.
This way of life requires giving paying attention to
meaningful coincidence. Caylor, for example, could have
disregarded his dream and turned down the Denver job.
But over time he had developed a strong respect for what
he considers signs from the Universe, both subtle and
unmistakable. He has learned that by paying attention to
these signs, he reaches new levels of comprehension
about his inner life and his role in the world.
"Synchronicity is lyrical—a little sprite of a
surprise, a little gift," he says. "It can get
so big that everything can start to talk to you;
everything can suggest things. When you enter that
dimension, synchronicity becomes part of your
self-definition."
Think of the times synchronicity has happened in your
life. It might be when you thought of someone and the
phone rang with that person on the other end. Maybe you
ran across someone from home in a faraway place when you
were feeling lonely, or the same number repeated itself
at significant times, or unlikely events dramatically
converged to save you in a tight spot.
When you experience flow on a daily basis,
synchronicities such as these are as natural to you as
breathing. Although by its very nature, synchronicity
cannot be created, controlled, or planned, when you live
a life of flow, you can practically depend on
synchronicity to show up.
Notice the words: it’s when you experience
flow — not if. That’s because the power of flow is
absolutely attainable. To experience it requires first
of all that you choose to undertake that process. Then
you must develop the necessary skills, much as you do
when you learn to ride a bike: it takes focus to learn
the basics and practice to make it second nature, but
once you know how to do it, you enjoy ease and
smoothness and elation. Flow is a lifelong process that
is rich with rewards all along the way.
In writing the book The Power of Flow, to
understand how flow works, we interviewed fifty "flowmasters"
— people highly engaged in the process of flow. They
range in age from seventeen to ninety-six and include
lawyers, dancers, secretaries, students, foundation
heads, middle managers, therapists, professors,
consultants, homemakers, teachers, activists, health
professionals, a minister, a rancher, an inventor. We
spent absorbing hours with them, delving into why their
lives have purpose, inner ease and joyfulness. We asked
them about their turning points, their beliefs, their
daily practices. We explored why life works so well for
them, and what they do day to day to experience flow
consciously and consistently.
The flowmasters did not have only one approach to
life. Some were feisty and engaged in changing the
world; some were gentle and relaxed; some had the
exuberance of children; some had thoughtful, deliberate
ways. Looking back over our discussions, commonalities
emerged. The flowmasters were open; they stretched
themselves to learn and grow; they had deep integrity;
they constantly felt steadfastly grateful; and they were
dedicated to living by their inner truths. Being with
them made us feel richer, and hours of engrossing
conversation passed like minutes.
Valuable information came from two other sources as
well. In response to magazine and newspaper articles,
hundreds of people from all over the country filled out
surveys on their experiences and beliefs. And we
organized nine focus groups involving 98 people across
the country who hashed through the topics, processes,
and techniques we'd learned from the flowmasters. The
flowmaster interviews, surveys, and group discussions
were transcribed and sorted by subject matter into 241
categories. When printed out — a 12-hour process —
the reports filled nearly 1,600 pages.
Our conclusion from this research process is that
flow is the ultimate feedback machine. Flow responds
directly to our beliefs, behaviors, and actions. We can
either enhance this state of perfect timing and flawless
serendipity, or we can diminish it and even cut it off.
When we become open, willing, trusting, we experience
flow as fulfillment and joy, and synchronicities pop up
all over the place. When we become fearful, doubting,
controlling, flow diminishes, our day is filled with
blocks and frustrations, and synchronicities cease.
We distilled the major beliefs, attitudes and
behaviors of the flowmasters into the nine attributes
that engage flow. They are:
- Commitment – Living by our deepest values
- Honesty – Telling the truth to ourselves and
others
- Courage – Overcoming our fears
- Passion—Engaging at deep levels with what we care
about
- Immediacy – Being in the moment
- Openness – Saying Yes to whatever comes our way
- Receptivity – Listening to inner and outer
messages
- Positivity – Finding the value in each situation
- Trust – Having faith in ourselves and the Universe
We identified fourteen practical techniques to deepen
those attributes in ourselves:
- Be aware
- Accept yourself and others
- Express who you really are
- Create silence
- Follow your intuition
- Practice mindfulness
- Do 100% of what you know to do – and trust
- Finish things and move on
- Take risks
- Break with your old reality
- Appreciate yourself
- Express gratitude
- Give of yourself
- Get a point of view from the Universe
The response of focus groups that tried out the
exercises offered in the book and the feedback of
readers since then has assured us that, yes, we all have
it within ourselves to expand into meaning, lightness,
and serenity. We don’t have to be yogis chanting
mantras in icy Himalayan caves to live in this state of
inner peace. Because synchronicity is the key — and
synchronicity occurs to absolutely everyone — we all
have it within ourselves to live in flow.
No matter where you are on your path, this approach
works. If you have been pursuing personal and spiritual
growth for years, this approach can provide you with
feedback from the Universe that will lead you to
understand yourself even better. If you are just now
turning your attention to life’s deeper questions, it
offers you an easy, immediate means of access into the
workings of your consciousness. If your world is devoid
of meaning, here’s a way to find significance in the
commonplace. A bird flying across your path, a book
dropped at your feet, a postcard arriving in the mail
– all can improbably but definitively connect you to
deeper currents of existence.
The journey will transform your life. With
synchronicity as your compass, flow is your inevitable
destination.
© Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom.
All Rights Reserved. Adapted from The Power of Flow:
Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful
Coincidence (Three Rivers Press 1998).
Charlene Belitz teaches human communication studies
at the University of Denver, where she is in the
doctoral program. She has led hundreds of communication
and transformational seminars in corporate, academic,
government, and personal development settings. She has
traveled to sacred sites in India, Nepal and Tibet, and
lives in Denver.
Meg Lundstrom, a magazine writer and former newspaper
reporter, has written extensively about self-development
approaches and the human search for meaning in
relationships, work, and spirituality. She has spent
time in holy places around the world, particularly in
India. She lives in Saugerties, New York.
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