Your Unfolding Path August 2001	Click Here to See Carol's Current Column
	by Carol Adrienne, Ph.D.

Love's Story

Each relationship is unique and inevitably teaches us something. In time, the larger purpose behind our encounter may even be revealed. When we are single, we often are impatient to find that special someone, thinking that he or she will fill the hole in our daily lives. These questions of compatibility, purpose, and timing prompted me to explore how numerology, which I have studied since 1976, may illuminate these questions.

I want to thank all of you who responded to my questionnaire (which is now closed due to a plethora of responses!).  Fascinated by your stories, I recently interviewed two mid-life women who found new loves in unexpected ways.

Ann, fifty-four, is an ergonomist who does injury-prevention and workplace design in Northern California. She says, "I grew up in the state of Washington in a conservative rural town. In the early sixties, I was working in the local pea factory picking earwigs out of the peas, going to school, and teaching flute—basically boring myself to death. My future husband—who would later provide me with all the excitement and material glamour I dreamed of—literally flew into my life as a blind date. Initially, I had reservations about meeting him, although I wasn’t sure why. However, on our first date in walks this tall, dark, handsome, funny pilot, who asks me, "Wanna go flying?" We were very different. He was wild. I was cautious. After we met, he became a jet pilot in the military. When I saw the movie, An Officer and a Gentleman, I had déjà vu because he even looked like Richard Gere. He was riveting like that."

In looking at Ann’s numerology chart, I saw that her marriage began in the very first year of a nine-year numerological cycle, during a span of years portending wealth and social life—tending to the superficial and materialistic side of life. "My husband got a job with IBM, and became a corporate business man making million-dollar deals," says Ann. "However, by this time our marriage also seemed to be more of a business relationship. We had no real intimacy, but during our eighteen-year marriage, we achieved every material success. For years I just accepted living at a superficial level. We lived in Europe, and it was common for us to hop on a plane and meet interesting friends for a five-star meal in some exotic place. The people we met were wonderful and interesting, and I learned that no matter how much glitz people have, we all have common desires. Living in Europe, I had friends who had escaped horrible political situations, and were facing serious concerns about creating the basics of life. Looking back I realize how lucky I had been to grow up in a pea-producing community free of bullets whizzing past my head, with the unbelievable freedom to do what I wanted to do." Little did Ann know then that her "5" destiny demanded freedom, travel, and adventure.

After eighteen years (two full nine-year cycles), Ann realized that she and her husband were leading separate lives, despite her desire to make the marriage work. She yearned for deep conversations and someone to share her love of classical music and nature. "He never felt comfortable in the world that nourished my very existence," she says. "Finally we each just did our own thing. There were no benefits or true sharing in the partnership."

Like others with a 5 destiny, Ann must learn the lesson of the constructive use of freedom, answering the question, "Am I really finished, or am I running away from something?" (e.g. her marriage). Interestingly, Ann did not have children, which only increased her ability to move about the world more easily and spontaneously, and to realize the adventurousness of the 5 destiny. Her earthy, practical heart’s desire number of 4 accounts for the fact that Ann has worked since she was fourteen, despite her affluent lifestyle.

In 1984, after her husband was transferred back to the US, Ann decided to stay in Europe. "The timing was right for us to split. We didn’t have any children and the dog had just died." In her chart, the years between 1983 and 1984 show a distinct tendency for depression, loneliness, and reflection leading to a new emotional decision. Unknown to her, within this interlude lay the potential for new love.

In mid-1984, on a trip to California in to settle up the paper work of her divorce, Ann decided to find a language tutor at the local community college, as her career now demanded that she become fluent in high-tech German. "I was given the telephone number of one of their teachers who had a totally unpronounceable Latvian name. When I met Andis he was friendly, open, and interested in what I was doing. He had a twinkle in his eye, and he said he’d be happy to help, and that he could tutor me long-distance. He offered me a free lesson in the German subjunctive case if I would be willing to accompany him to the valley to view the wildflowers.

"We had a wonderful talk that day. I watched him become one with nature, the animals and the beauty of the earth. There was nothing pretentious about this man. He told me about his life in Latvia during WWII and his family’s escape. I was struck by the miracles in his life, which enabled him to survive and end up in this beautiful part of the world with freedom instead of dying in a Siberian labor camp. He is able to appreciate simple things like a beautiful creek, the warmth of the sun, and flowers. As a teacher, he is a major advocate for public education, and his values are based on love and connection to nature."

The two corresponded only twice after she returned to Germany. In 1986 Ann’s divorce was final (1986 was her 9 personal year, which indicates endings and completion). A year later when Ann came back to the US, Andis mentioned that he had applied for a Fulbright scholarship to teach in Germany. Jokingly, he said that maybe they could have dinner sometime. "As it turned out, he did get the scholarship and went to teach in northern Germany," she says. "At that time I was working in central Germany, but the same month he landed in Germany, my job ended and I was transferred to within twenty minutes of where he lived." Numerologically, Ann had shifted from learning about partnership from a subservient role, into a new perspective of living with a more equal partner.

After many conversations the two friends decided for financial reasons to share an apartment in Germany on a purely platonic and business basis, even though Ann was very reluctant. "It felt like living in sin! I was still concerned about appearances." They began to travel to various countries in Europe, and found they had much in common. They both loved literature, music, and learning foreign languages. "We had very little money," says Ann, "but it was the richest life I had ever lived. A year went by before we started an intimate relationship. We realized we would make a really good team. We lived together for thirteen years and married in 1996." During this period, Ann’s chart suggested that she would have an unconventional alliance, retaining her freedom even though her relationship with Andis proved very comfortable and stable. They married one day on the spur of the moment ("Andis had been wanting to get married for years," says Ann). The date coincided with her 1 personal year—heralding a new nine-year cycle and new life directions. "I am so happy today with my life with Andis. Living with him is like living with a combination of Mr. Rogers and Ghandhi!" says Ann.

Here we see how the stable, practical, hard-working Ann, who tried to make her marriage work by living a life unsuited to her basic nature and needs, came to a crossroads where she had to figure out who she truly was. Her new sense of self begins to attract the kind of people who share her deepest values—e.g., Andis and his love of literature, languages, people, cooking, and nature. Ann says, "I had to listen deep inside myself despite all the outward circumstances of my affluent first marriage. My lesson was ‘Don’t hang on too long’ [also part of the 5’s lesson about risk-taking]. When a relationship is not truly alive anymore, you need to let go and let it bloom in its own way. Sometimes we think we are doing such a good job staying in a relationship, but what we are really doing is killing it. We think we can help someone else, but we may really be standing in the path of their growth."

Joy, sixty-two, has lived in Tucson, Arizona for twenty-five years. At age fifty-eight, she became an organizational psychologist. "I had a late-life career change—late-life-everything-change!" she says. Joy had married early, had two children, and had given up her career to be a full-time mom. Like Ann’s marriage, Joy’s, too, was materially very successful, but hers fell apart due to alcohol and abuse. "I stayed in my marriage because I was trapped by my own dream of having a successful marriage—not wanting to be like my divorced parents. For years I didn’t have the money or guts to leave, until one day I was house-sitting for a friend. I read a book I found on her shelf, The Aquarian Conspiracy, by Marilyn Ferguson. It helped me see my own life in bigger terms—that I was here for a greater reason than to be an abused wife. I had things to do. It took awhile but I finally left the marriage."

Realizing that she was a person apart from her children and husband, she saw how she had allowed herself to be submerged into the family unit. Little by little she began to build self-esteem through getting a part-time job, educating herself about the workplace, and learning to handle her own finances.

"Once I left the marriage for good, I made a commitment not to date for five years. I knew I needed to work on my codependency. I was terrified to get hooked up with another alcoholic like my mother and my husband."

Over an eight-year period Joy was promoted to vice president of a medical group, bought a house, and kept thinking that eventually someone would come along. "Years passed and then I was sixty!" laughs Joy. "I had come to terms with the idea of being alone. People told me that statistically I had a better chance of being hit by a car than of meeting someone romantically after the age of fifty. I did some counseling to see if there was something within me blocking finding a relationship. I couldn’t find anything there. Last Christmas I decided to give myself a present of a Chinese print with two cranes entitled Nourishing Relationship to increase the harmony of my home according to Feng Shui. Later I found out that on the same day I bought the print—across town—the man I am now with was looking at the stars saying to the universe, ‘If you want to send me a honey, I’ll accept.’"

Soon after I hung the picture a friend invited me to a mountain bike party, but I turned her down. The last time I went there, I was really bored. She said there were three men she wanted me to meet. I finally said yes, and that’s how I met Tom. He’s an architect, a martial artist and he teaches Tai Chi. He’s divorced and has done a lot of personal growth work. His wife left him when he went to architecture school.

"Both of us have become completely different people late in life. He had been a hippie and a silversmith, while I was being Mrs. Corporate America. I was narrow and uptight. Over the years I developed from being an assistant to the president to creating a job where I could bring my spirituality to work through our healing program. Tom has done just the opposite--going from being a hippie to being a professional. We both laugh about it now. If we had met fifteen years ago we would have ignored each other. Now we are so much the same. He’s eight years younger, but it’s not a problem. He’s learned to cook. I’m learning to camp. We’re taking swing dance lessons. It’s like being brand new. Whatever I like, he likes and vice versa."

I asked what she has learned through her late-life love. She said, "I think it’s like the song, ‘You can’t hurry love. You just have to wait.’ I think that is true. So many of my friends have tried to force the issue and have gone out with men who are not suited for them. I did it, too, but it just wasn’t productive. When you’re ready, there will be some catalyst that will allow a meeting to happen. Tom was in a rebound relationship for awhile and he just wasn’t ready. While I was single I tried to be okay with my aloneness. I kept a strong intention about wanting a partner, and I did go out to social functions. I also put more masculine energy into my house to balance the energy, and welcomed the possibility of meeting the right man. I didn’t expect I’d fall in love again at this age. It’s so much better than what I had earlier I can hardly believe it. It’s such an easy relationship. My former belief was that relationships have to be hard. But this is no effort at all. That’s how I know it’s right."

Interestingly, Joy has the karmic version of the 5 destiny that Ann has—the karmic number 14 (5)—which seems to bring lessons in all forms of physical or emotional addiction. Her husband’s alcoholism necessitated and catalyzed her own growth and expansion. Once on her feet, she took advantage of the 5’s ambition for constructive personal freedom by achieving financial independence and having time to find out who she is. After the age of forty-six, her task in life was to define her identity in a whole new way, and learn that true partnership is interdependent—that love frees us to be who we are.

Carol Adrienne, Ph.D., is an internationally-known workshop facilitator and author whose books have been translated into over fifteen languages. Her books include The Purpose of Your Life: Finding Your Place in the World Using Synchronicity, Intuition, and Uncommon Sense; Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life, and The Numerology Kit. She also co-authored with James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guide and The Tenth Insight: Holding the Vision--An Experiential Guide.

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